I would not necessarily say I don't want to go back to work, but I am anxious about it. So much has gone on since I went out on leave that I don't know exactly what I'll be coming back to. I really don't even know if I'll have the same supervisor when I return or not. I've had some great anxiety dreams. One involving coming back to work and my office was all messed up. No desk or fridge and there were boxes stored up in it. I know that Nell will be in a good place with good people, so that's not a worry for me. IT's just getting back into the swing of things at work. Will just have to wait and see how things go.
On top of all this, I'm really anxious about pumping. When I went back to work after having Jay, my supply went away really fast when I went back to work and had to pump more than nurse. I've started taking Brewers Yeast and tomorrow will start Fenugreek. I made some oatmeal chocolate chip lactation cookies. So far I have seen much of a difference. Hopefully things will pick up in that department.
Here's hoping for a good night tonight. Last night we were awake between 2:00-4:00. I could barely drag out of bed this morning. I gave up and nursed about 3:30 and she was up a little after that, but Jack helped out too so that was great!
Tonight Nell was fussy and I finally swaddled her and put her in the swing and she calmed down. Jay got really huggy. It was so nice just hugging and cuddling my boy. He's getting so big that he barely fits in my lap anymore, but he was lovey tonight. I love that.
Celebrating and aware
2 weeks ago