Monday, August 31, 2009

Headed back to work

I would not necessarily say I don't want to go back to work, but I am anxious about it. So much has gone on since I went out on leave that I don't know exactly what I'll be coming back to. I really don't even know if I'll have the same supervisor when I return or not. I've had some great anxiety dreams. One involving coming back to work and my office was all messed up. No desk or fridge and there were boxes stored up in it. I know that Nell will be in a good place with good people, so that's not a worry for me. IT's just getting back into the swing of things at work. Will just have to wait and see how things go.

On top of all this, I'm really anxious about pumping. When I went back to work after having Jay, my supply went away really fast when I went back to work and had to pump more than nurse. I've started taking Brewers Yeast and tomorrow will start Fenugreek. I made some oatmeal chocolate chip lactation cookies. So far I have seen much of a difference. Hopefully things will pick up in that department.

Here's hoping for a good night tonight. Last night we were awake between 2:00-4:00. I could barely drag out of bed this morning. I gave up and nursed about 3:30 and she was up a little after that, but Jack helped out too so that was great!

Tonight Nell was fussy and I finally swaddled her and put her in the swing and she calmed down. Jay got really huggy. It was so nice just hugging and cuddling my boy. He's getting so big that he barely fits in my lap anymore, but he was lovey tonight. I love that.

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Nighttime routine...

The last few weeks night time has been a chore in our house. Jay used to just get in bed and go to sleep. It was nice. We'd have him asleep by around 8:30 or at the very least confined in his room with the babygate and he'd just play. So he stopped wanting to go to bed and learned that he could use the stool for his "big boy" bed to climb over the gate. So that was no longer useful. Now we start a little before 8:00 and we're in and out of his room. The worst is the "potty" excuse. I don't want to discourage him from using the potty, but he rarely actually goes. Then it's back again. Jack and I have to take up "post" in our room so that when he gets out of his room we can direct him back. Nell, on the other hand, fusses a little, then she goes out. It's nice. I just hope that by the time she reaches this stage that he's out of it!

Hit up The Fresh Market in Macon for the first time today. I'm so glad there isn't one of these in Milledgeville because I'd shop there every day! I got this smoked salmon salad that is so tasty. And I loved their help yourself snack mixes and nuts. So fun just walking around and looking at everything. Also found some new non-dairy foods to try. a non-dairy rach dressing (looks terrible) and a block of cheddar vegan cheese (I can have pimento cheese now) and mac & chreese. Now just to see if they're any good!

This has been my last week of maternity leave. Monday Nell is going to go to daycare for a little while so that I can wrap up some things before I go back to work. Then Tuesday it's back to work again! Sad and relieved at the same time. Good to get back to a schedule, but I will miss time with my little girl. I can't believe she's eight weeks old now and I have to go back to work. Le sigh...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

What's on your needles?

I also want to use this blog as a place to keep up with different projects. Anyone who knows me well knows I have to have three or four different things going on at one time. I'm not happy sitting still. That's why I say I'll be more productive when I'm back to work. So it's no surprise that I have three projects on my needles right now. I have a scarf for someone in my family, I have a baby yoda sweater for a coworker and I have a wave jumper for an upcoming baby. When I finish these I'll post pics.

I caved and didn't wait the 24 hours to put food in the new fridge. I waited 12. Good enough? It had better be! I just didn't want to have all my food in coolers any more. Freezer is jam packed now. I'm a happy camper.

Going to really work on the diet once I get back to work. I need that structure to help me with my eating habits. I eat too much junk and munch all day. I'm going to start using an online calorie counter again. This helped me a lot before. It helps to recognize portion sizes and helps with my portion control. No walk today. Drizzly weather today plus I need to get these performance reviews done today and read for class tonight.

One thing I'm realizing is that I write like I have people reading this blog. I know that a few people read this, but it will take me a while to get used to not having a bunch of people reading what I do ever day. that was one thing about LiveJournal that I think has turned me off to it. ElJay is so focused on making friends and having the biggest friends' list. It's all about trying to get more people to read what you write. It's kind of a big popularity contest. Now I will say that I have made several good online friends through that site, I'm just not about that anymore. I need to just have this outlet to say what I need to say and that's it.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

New fridge!!

Woohoo!!! It came and it's lovely, but they told us not to put anything in it for 24 hour? We've put a few things in there and I think I'll wait for tomorrow morning, but I need to get the coolers emptied out! And by the way, another unsolicited endorsement for Sears. They had scheduled the delivery for Monday, but I called this morning and asked if there was any way to get it today and explained that our fridge had died and they were able to work us in. I was really impressed with their customer service. Jack said they didn't want to lose a delivery charge, but I don't care. We got the fridge.

Tomorrow is my last day that I don't have anything really planned before I go back to work. Still have my little work and school stuff, but nowhere to be. Just hanging out with Nell. Then class tomorrow night. I still haven't finished all my reading, but I've done about half of it. It's just sooo much!

Hoping for a good night's sleep tonight!

Lond night...again

So CIO didn't work last night. She started making noise around 3:30 and I was able to get her to settle down with her paci. About 4:00 she started crying. At 4:30 I gave in and nursed and she went right back to sleep and I was exhausted! Didn't get back up myself until almost 7:00!

Today I'm going to try to go walk with Julia, I need to arrange to get the fridge this afternoon. Need to clean out the fridge since there's stuff in there that I didn't care if we threw away. Also need to get a bag of ice for the coolers that have all our fridge stuff in them.

Soooo tired today.

Also need to work on my papers and stuff that need to be done ASAP. Need to vacuum the house too. Floors looking terrible. Think we're cooking for Mom and Johnny tonight too. Lots to do...lots to do...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

REfrigerator update

So now the fridge is totally dead. The light comes on, but there's no cold. Had to bring in coolers for the refrigerated goods. niiiiice... We didn't have much in there that would be a tragedy if it spoiled, although there is a few ounces of breast milk and I have to pump tonight. I'll just have to put them out in the freezer first thing in the morning. The new fridge isn't due to be delivered until Monday so Jack is trying to get someone to pick it up tomorrow.

Finished 1/3 of my performance reviews this morning. They need to be finished by Friday. Still have about forty pages to read before class Thursday night. Still have my final from last semester to finish. Still have my final intern evaluation to finish. Lots to do. Shame is, I'll have more of an opportunity to get them dne once I go back to work! LOL

So try to get all this busy work finished tomorrow and hope that we have a new fridge. I kept kind of wishing that I didn't have to wait until Monday for the new fridge, but I didn't want to get it early this way!

New Refrigerator!!!

We are replacing the refrigerator! I must be getting old of I'm excited about a new appliance! Am I excited about a new bill? Not really. I wish it could be fixed, but yay new refrigerator!!

seven days left until I go back to work now. The next two days I can get some things done around here, then Friday I got to Macon for a filling and Monday I'll probably take Nell for a little while to daycare since we're paying for that week anyways and the refrigerator will be delivered then to. Then Tuesday it's back to work!

Am I excited to go back to work? That's complicated. I'm ready to be back in a set routine, but I don't want to leave Nell. I will miss this time I've had with her and it's time you can never get back. Do I think I would want to be a SAHM? No way. It's so much work and I don't do well with self-imposed routines. I need someone to tell me when to who up and what to do. So I'm ready to go back. I think that Jay has thrived at daycare and has made good friends and has been good for him so I'm not worried there at all. In fact I'm less nervous about it this time around. When Jay started daycare I was so worried that they would do things "right." I worried that he would miss me. Not that he didn't, but he was truly happy there too. And well taken care of too.

This last week I won't feel put out when it's time to sit down and spend the time nursing, I will enjoy getting to talk with her over her diaper changes, and I will cuddle her a little longer...

Monday, August 24, 2009

New blog, new crazy influx of posts

I met Julia for our usual walk at the greenway and then hit up CVS for diapers. When I came back out tot he parking lot I noticed a familiar face in the SUV next to my van. It was Joe, my former coworker who retired about four years ago. He and I worked together on Powell 3 West and were almost inseperable at work. We did most of our groups together and spent a lot of time during work hours together other than groups. When he retired he made all the regular promises that he would actually stay in touch and we would all see each other again. He never made true on that. I have only seen him maybe twice in the last year. Once at Christmas when he came out to do a volunteer thing and once I ran into him and his wife at Huddle House. It was good to see him and catch up and he got to see Nell. It has always made me a little sad since I kind of looked to him as a mentor when we worked together. Stuff happens I guess.

Later taters!

CIO and Crest Spinbrush

So there are a lot of people these days who think that CIO is of the devil. Really I'm not downing those people, but they believe that babies cry for a reason and CIO is ignoring that. Now, if I didn't have to work outside of the home, I might feel differently, but CIO worked with Jay and he's a well-adjusted (although crazy) three year old. So over the last week, Nell would wake up at night and I'd go nurse her and she'd nurse about ten minutes and fall asleep. Nothing like her 20-30 minute marathons during the day! So I had decided that she wasn't really needing those night feedings. Night before last I started to let her CIO. We did three cycles of fifteen minutes of crying and settling her down in between. She was not calming and by this time Jay was up so I got her up, nursed and got both kids back to sleep. Last night I decided to try again. This time she had to be settled after two fifteen minutes of crying, then next thing I knew it was 5:30 and she was barely stirring! She actually didn't start fudding to get up until about 6:30 and even then wasn't crying to be fed right away! It was amazing. Not that I thihnk it'll happen that way every night from now on, but there's hope! Maybe I'll be getting good sleep when I go back to work. With the things facing me, I'll need it!

I'm going to start out by saying that I have not received any compensation from the Crest company, but if they want to send me a check that will be fine. I switched to a Crest Pro Spin brush this morning. That thing is so strong that it makes your whole head vibrate! My teeth hqaven't felt this clean!

So on tap for today, I'm walking with Julia and Ada, need to hit the store for diapers for Nell, get some schoolwork done. I have my finaly from Administrative Law last semester that needs to be finished, plus reading for my current Issues in Nonprofit Managements course. All the reading for this class is going to kick my butt!

I go back to work a week from tomorrow. It's coming. I'm ready in some ways, but will really miss spending this time with Nell. Also trying this week to get up early so that I'm used to it. Going to try to get back on counting calories this week too. The weight is not coming off as quickly this time around as it did with Jay. I think part of it is that I'm eating crap these days! Just munching alld ay and not watching my portion sizes. One thing that will help is that I've had to cut way back on dairy. It seems to upset Nell's tummy and she's not as happy when I've been eating it. I take Lactaid every morning too and that seems to help, but I could tell a difference yesterday since I was weak and had some ice cream on Saturday. Yesterday I hit up Kroger and found some soy ice cream and also some other non-dairy foods in their limited selection that I'm trying. I'm also going to hit up the natural food store when I go to Macon Friday and see what I find.

Guess that's it for now. Later taters!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I'm extremely blessed

My kids are amazing. Jay is three and is just a bundle of humor and energy. I'm always amazed at what comes out of his mouth. His red hair was a surprise to us, but just is who he is. He has this personality that you can't ignore. He never meets a stranger. He's my little politician!" Oh Lord! He walks into the room and you know he's there. He commands all the attention. He loves his family and friends. He's always talking about his grandparents or his buddies. He is rarely without his "Shu Shu." This if "Ruff Ruff" to the rest of us. IT's his Velveteen Rabbit! My boy is growing up and I can't wait to see where he goes in life.

My new baby Nell is such a wonder. She is a cuddler which warms my heart. I could sit and hold her all the time. We have one more week of my maternity leave and I'll never have this kind of time with her again. She'll be eight weeks on Thursday and I just can't believe it. It has gone so fast. I love the way she smiles when I come into her line of sight. I can't wait to do "girl things" with her. Shopping in Atlanta with lunch at Neiman Marcus, pigtails, tea parties, dance recitals. I can't wait. I have regret that she will never really know her great-grandmother for whom she is named. My Granny was such a special part of my life and I wish she was aware enough to enjoy her great-grandchildren. But I tell Nell about her all the time.

I guess I should mention my husband. Jack is the greatest. He puts up with me and loves me in spite of myself. He knows who I am and he accepts me. He is a great dad and works his program so diligently. Recovery is the best thing that has ever happened to us and without him I wouldn't have found this way of life. He makes me laugh and he stands by me no matter what. He listens to me and gives great advice, even if I don't want to hear it.

A New Site, A New Blog, A New Page

Since 2003 I've been blogging. I was turned on to Livejournal by an online friend and have built up quite an account over there. The past year or so I've been very sporadic in posting there and it's actually hard to get back into that blog. It's almost like I feel like I've let all those people over there down by not posting more often. I feel bad that I keep going back, making empty promises that I'll post more and then I disappear once again for months at a time. Lately I've been bookmarking a lot of pages on Blogger so I guess I figured I'd just get a new start over here and try to keep up more. I'm going to try to import my ElJay to here as well, but it will take time. It seems that it will only let you export a month at a time (I have six years of posts 72 months?) and it's not even working at this moment so we'll see. I'd like to have everything in one place.

So what am I going to do here? I'm going to subscribe to the blogs I'm following. I'm going to talk about my family, my projects, working my Al-Anon program, just life in general. This is my brain dump. I've issed having that since I don't use the ElJay and I hope that I'll be keeping up better here than I have on Livejournal.